Turn Your Spirit Loose

O God,
turn your Spirit loose now,
     and me with it,
that I may go to where the edge is
    to face with you the shape of my mortality:
        the inescapable struggle
           and loneliness and pain
                which remind me
                    that I am less than god after all,
                        that you have made me with hard limits,
                            limits to my strength
                                my knowledge,
                                    my days.

Facing those limits, Lord,
grant me grace
    to live to the limit
        of being unflinchingly alive,
                   irrepressibly alive,
                            fully alive,
                   of experiencing
                        every fragile,
                               miraculous,
                                      bloody,
                                            juicy,
                                                  aching,
                                                          beautiful ounce of being a human being;
of doing my duty
         and a little more;
of loving the people around me,
         my friends and my enemies;
of humbling myself to take others seriously
          and delightedly;
of applying my heart to the wisdom of simplicity,
          the freedom of honesty.

O God,
turn your Spirit loose here,
      and me with it,
that I may go to where the silence is
      to face with you the utter mystery
            of questions without answers,
                   pain without balm,
                           sorrow without comfort,
                                    and fears without relief,
                                            which hound my days
                                                      and haunt my sleep.

Facing the mystery, Lord,
grant me grace
     to wrestle with it
           until I name the fears
                   and force them to set me free
                             to move on with whatever limp I'm left with;
      to wrestle with it
            until the pain teach me
                    and I befriend it,
             until the silence subdues me
                     into an awareness that it is holy
                            and I am healed by it;
     to wrestle with it
             until I go deeper in it
                     to gratitude
                            for all the shapes of wholeness
                                     and of hope that bless me.

O God,
turn your Spirit loose now,
           and me with it,
that I may go to where the darkness is
          to face with you the terrible uncertainty of tomorrow;
                   of what will happen,
                            of what might happen,
                                   to me
                                          and to my children
                                                  and to my friends,
                                   to my job,
                                          to my relationships,
                                                   to my country;
            all that I cannot see, but fantasize,
                        that I would prevent, but cannot,
                                  and so must accept as possibilities.
Facing the uncertainty, Lord,
grant me grace
      to look at it directly and openly and truly,
      to laugh at it with crazy faith
               in the crazy promise
                       that nothing can separate me from your love;
       to laugh for the joy of it,
                the joy of those saving surprises
                         that also stir in the darkness.
And, so, I trust,
          despite the dark uncertainty of tomorrow,
                     in the light of my todays,
                               in the cross,
                                      and in a kingdom coming,
and, so, I move on and pray on
with Jesus, my friend and redeemer.

--Ted Loder, Guerrillas of Grace